WHY IS AGE SHAMING WOMEN STILL A THING?

| forevermabss

I really do not understand this age shaming of women, it’s like saying women are the only ones that age but men age too so why aren’t they age shamed?

This happened to me a few years ago while i was at university. After i had my first two kids and they were in full time education i decided it was the right time to go back to university to get my degree in tourism management i was 31 years old at the time. So me and my class mates were flying to Italy for one of our modules and one of my friends how was in her 20’s picked me up from my house to go to the airport and her dad was driving us there so on the way my friends goes to her dad “oh my god dad can you believe she’s got children?” because i look young for my age and he asked how old i was and my friend told him then he proceed to ask me “what am i doing in university?”.

ohhhh guys if we weren’t on the motorway i would have got out of the car because i could not believe this guy who doesn’t know me from nowhere or know my story is telling me i should not be in university and up to now i keep thinking about it like how dare you? are you the one going to pay my tuition fees back? are you my mum? if he wasn’t old or my friend’s dad i could have said something rude.

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Women are judged for everything from, when you should be married, have a child, too old to have a child, too young, why are you at home taking care of your child instead of working, why are you at work and not taking care of your child, it’s just endless bashing of women and it seems we can’t catch a break. it seems like everything we do is watched and judged.

And i think this is why some women choose to never have kids and focus on a career because if you have worked your butt off and your at a level in your career you are happy with then decide to start a family chances are your career might take a knock down when you return all because you decided to start a family, how is this right?.

This is where this saying comes from that “women can’t have it all” but why can’t we? we can’t have it all because we are not supported enough. Most of the time when we have children we are expected to be the ones to stay home and take care of the baby not the other way around though there men that stay home and the partner goes back to work and when it comes’s to promotions men are first in line to get it before a woman why? because its a man’s world whatever that means, the home front is us even though you both were at work the guy comes in and chills while you sort dinner and everything else. I actually think this is where the whole independent woman thing came from because if your not supporting me them am doing it on my own which make me independent but some men don’t like this either because they want us to depend on them.

Even the way we dress is shamed at times, if you wear a short skirt your a hoe, if a guy tries to talk to a woman and she turns him down your a hoe, if you wear trousers your not feminine enough, if you wear a lot of makeup your hiding something and if you have no makeup you don’t take care of yourself! it’s a a lot that we get judged on but we still find ways of breaking down barriers regardless what our age is and i think that is something we have to keep doing and one day things will change.

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So ladies let’s keep making these moves and show the young ladies coming up behind us that they too can do it.

Love Me x

 

4 REASONS WHY BEING AN INFLUENCER IS EXPENSIVE

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So being an influencer is something a lot of us are working towards achieving and to also get paid from it and make a living off it. I used to thing oh they must live the high life and to get paid for it? that’s just the icing on the cake. My story is i started out vlogging about my family life not even thinking about being an influencer and then i started to hear the word your an “influencer” which i was like what does that mean? so i went to grandma google and got the meaning of it but i also thought nah i can’t be an influencer i don’t even have that much of a following until i was told that even though you have a small following you are still an influencer because those people are following you, then  found out you can get paid to be an influencer! then the light bulb went off and i started to take my channel, social media and blogging serious.

I then started looking into growing my following and doing a lot of research about being an influencer, how to find the jobs, how to find the companies to work with etc. I also starting seeing in my research that you need to find a niche which to me i found really difficult to scale down as i was passionate about quite a few topic so i chose to stick to being a lifestyle blogger and vlogger.

It’s coming to 2 years since i decided to take this “job” serious and i say “job” because i have not been paid for or done any sponsored work yet so am still working toward that but my Instagram and YouTube following is growing slowly and am happy with that. i am not going to lie i do get discouraged sometimes when my following is so slow and not getting any work and that’s why i took a break from blogging for a while because i had to really see if this is the career i wanted and also to learn more about blogging but its really demotivating and difficult.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Soooooo with that in mind here are my 5 reasons why being an influencer is expensive and time consuming.

1     Research takes a long time

So some people think that blogger know everything they write about and they do not have to do any research, nope! so wrong. We all have to do some research about the topic we are writing about to make sure what we are writing and sharing is legit. Can you imagine how embarrassing and reputation destroying  it would be if you got called out for offering the wrong information? this is why i try do research about what am writing which as i said it can take hours or even days because i got a life outside blogging lol.

2     Keeping up with fashion

In order to keep up with fashion you have to be able to buy the latest trendy clothes  and keep up with the styles. I  for one find it difficult to do this because my money don’t flow like that lol, i have kids to feed and bills to pay so keeping up with the new fashion trends sometimes take a back burner. It’s different though if companies send you clothes to try on this way you don’t have to spend money which makes it so easy to keep up with fashion.

3     You might not get paid

I have heard stories and seen some on Instagram where people say they have worked with companies and done all the work and never got paid!. These people had paid for photo shoots, bought clothes, edited content and then at the company said they had changed their mind! and one other influencer had to chase the company for money they owed them!. This is one thing that scares me about working with companies, the fact that they can decide not to pay you after you have spent money that you might not have had doing the work they asked you to do. It’s just sad and honestly demotivating.

4     Long hours

So once you have done your research it’s time to start writing your blog post and honesty this can take me quite a few hours and it’s even longer because i have to stop in between to sort the babies out. Writing blogs sometimes remind me when i was writing my dissertation which took me so long! i couldn’t wait to finish it. But the difference with this is is i enjoy doing it while my dissertation was even on a topic i did not particularly like. I think this is the point where i think of it as a job because i have to sit there for hours writing it.

Love me X

 

FIVE ESSENTIAL GIFTS ALL NEW MUMS NEED

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Becoming a mum is one of the most exciting times in a woman and its not surprise that when we find out we are going to be mothers we go out and start shopping for baby stuff especially clothes. We literally are like dogs off a leach because we want to buy everything that’s cute and adorable, all the clothes, shoes, toys etc all while our partners are worrying about the bank balance lol.

Its like the minute you find out your are pregnant everything that’s to do with babies you need to have them even those small tooth brushes which they don’t need yet, we got to have them lol. Although going on a shopping spree for the baby is well and good there some essentials that new mums need from the get go and these are.

WIPES

Wipes are one of the essentials that new mums need because these babies can really goes though wipes. When they are born they seem to poo almost every hour so there will be lots of wiping going on which mean you needs lot of wipes. So if you have a present list or your wondering what present to get the new mum, get them a box of wipes or two.

MUSLIN CLOTHS

I went through so many of these being that i had twins but these are so needed for burping. sometimes babies throw up and these are the perfect item to use for burping that way they are not sick on you or ruin your outfit. You can also use it as a scent cloth, so if your baby is the clingy type you can put the cloth on you for some time then put it near the baby and they will be able to smell you scent and think you are near them. my babies now use them as a comfort cloths so we are still using them.

NAPPIES

Nappies are on one of the top essentials which go hand in hand with wipes. When they are first born they use a lot of nappies  because they are still getting rid of that green poo but also because they feed a lot so they will have more wet nappies. So if you are wondering what to get the mum as a present, get them nappies which they will appreciate a lot.

BEING THERE FOR THEM 

When we first have a baby we might be nervous about how we are going to cope and how to look after the baby so in these first few weeks or days we will need help from our family and friends. Things like cleaning the house, looking after the baby so the mum can get some sleep, cooking dinner, ironing etc all these things will help ease the mum into motherhood and allow her to enjoy those first few weeks bonding with the baby instead of worrying about chores.

TIME TO SETTLE IN

Having family and friends around you to help is good but when the mother first returns home from hospital she and her close family ( husband, older kids) need some days to settle into their new role as parents,for the siblings to get to bond with their new sibling and to also try and get into some type of routine with the baby. Having a new baby in the house can be exciting and scary at the same time so having that time to get used to the new born before you get visitors round is much needed.

I hope you find this information helpful.

Do you have any essential gifts for new mums? what would you have wanted as a new mum?

Love Me x

WHAT WE MOTHERS EXPECT ON MOTHER’S DAY VS WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS

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Being a mum is one of those life roles which your never really taught how to be or be ready for, you just quite frankly wing it everyday and you hope that everything goes well and you don’t lose your mind in the process lol.

When i become a mum i thought “ok i have this little human that i have to think for, keep alive and educate about life, how hard could it be” and boy was i wrong lol.

I was not ready for the amount of stuff babies need!, the sleepless nights ( which i didn’t mind in the beginning as they are just soooo cute and cuddly), the constant worry when they are ill ( i legit stayed away for a few days when they got their first cold as i thought they would not be able to breath), the tantrums in public oh how i wished the floor would open up and swallow me coz the way people look at you like your the worst parent ever.

Carrying and bringing a human being into the world is the most amazing, scariest, nerve racking thing i have ever done in my life but also being a mum is the most fulfilling thing i have ever done in my life.

My first mother’s day i did not know what to expect so i just went with the flow. My hubby bought me a card, a teddy bear (which i still have) and some chocolates which was lovely. As the years have gone on, my babies give me cards which they have made at school but the husband forgets about it half of the time.

So in the perfect world i would love to have a lay in, have breakfast brought to me in bed, have the house to myself and just relax for the day. The reality is that i don’t have a lay in i normally wake up as normal to sort the kids breakfast and if hubby remembers the day then he will make us breakfast and then that’s mother’s day for me.

Though not alot goes on for me on mother’s day i am grateful that i got a chance to be a mum to 4 beautiful, healthy babies and i have a husband who love me and my babies. It’s not always about presents ( though they are nice lol) but more of time spent together. So on that note happy Mother’s day to all you fabulous mamas and enjoy your day.

What do you get up to on mother’s day? How do you other halves celebrate you?

Love Me x

It’s lonely being a twin mum

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Heyyyyyy guys hope you are all well. So first of all being a mum is one of them most rewarding and beautiful thing that can happen to a woman, carrying a human being and giving birth to it is the biggest blessing we woman can ever have. Being a mum can be a lonely time especially in the first year when they are still little. When you first have your baby everyone is visiting you, helping and wanting to carry that tiny, precious human but as time goes by people don’t come round or call as much to check on you, especially if you have friends who don’t have kids yet.

When i had my first born i was leaving in a place where i did not know anyone so i was really lonely and i kept myself indoors most of the time till hubby came home and we would go out for a walk or something.  For my second pregnancy we had moved near my family so i had support but i also did not want to feel like burden for them so i decided to try the mother and baby play groups to try and make some new friends as we were still new to this area and boy i was wrong. I felt so alienated that i only managed to go a few times and never went back. When i first walked in i got the smirky smiles from some mums and that’s was it so i found a spot and got some toys for my boy to play with and we were not even their for a an hour and i just wanted to leave. It felt like i was back in secondary school where everyone had their own gang of friends and nobody wanted to know me or be my friend.

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I actually tried another group and it was the same and having spoken to some of my friends i found out it wasn’t just me who experienced this kind of behavior. I really don’t know why  we women feel the need to put down another woman to feel good about ourselves especially when your a new mum it’s a trying time and need all the help and mum friends you can find.

Since i had the twins i decided i would not go to the mum baby groups because of the experience i had and also because i have 2 babies to watch which will be difficult and over whelming. For example if i wanted to take them to a massage class i would not be able to do it as i only have two hands ans what if they both started crying then everyone would be staring at me. The only time i went to any mum group was when i first went to take the twins to be weighed, i only went a few times and most of the time they cried because they did not want to be naked or cold bless em but there was a health visitor who would take one while i sorted one and she has become a goof friend of mine and because she know the struggle i have with getting them weighed she comes to my house to this day to weigh them which am so grateful for.

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I will forever by grateful for these twin babies but it doesn’t mean it’s not difficult. When i go to pick my son from school with them ( this is somewhat the only times i take them out by myself) i get anxious and scared thinking they might both start crying and i won’t be able to cope, sometimes people just stare which used to bother me but i know they are just in awe of me having two babies. I used to talk to my friends at the school gate for about 20 minutes or so but i don’t really do this anymore, i just drop my son off and am back home till pick up. I have actually tried to find twin baby groups in my area but there seems to not be any which is not nice.

I know this time when they are little goes by so fast and am taking it in as much as i can but i wish i knew some twin mums that i can hang out with and not have to be stuck indoors all the time.

Are you a twin or multiple mum?  how did you meet other twin mums?

Love Me x

HOW TO GET 9 MONTHS OLD BABIES TO SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT

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Heyyyyy guys hope you are all doing well, so the twins have started sleeping through the night! Yayyyyyyyy us. So babies start sleeping through the night at different ages, there is no one set age for them to sleep through the night so don’t worry if your baby does not sleep through the night yet, they will get there. I know it’s better said than done when your sleep deprived but you will get there.

I had started to feel anxious as some of the twin mums on the facebook group am on had said their babies had been sleeping through the night from about 5 months! So i started thinking am i doing something wrong? Why aren’t mine sleeping through the night?. I thought once they started eating solids they would automatically sleep through the night but boy was i wrong lol. They kept waking up at around 11ish for a bottle which was the time i would go bed so it meant me going bed around 12ish :-(.

So recently i was talking to one of my girlfriends who has a baby a few months older than mine and she said she gives her a feed before bed and that keeps her sleeping through the night which i did but i did it straight after their dinner but they would not finish it so for some reason i though let’s try having dinner then bath and then bottle so they get a little break in between and guess what? it worked! I even give them more milk which they finish so now they don’t wake up for feeds anymore.

I think where i was going wrong is giving them milk straight after dinner because i thought they might be thirsty but i guess they just needed a little break.

This might not work for everyone but try different routines like maybe give them milk before their bath. You never know it might be an unusual routine but if it works and get’s them to sleep through the night? Then your winning.

I hope this helps all those parents struggling with those night feeds and let me know if you try it and if it helped you.

Do you have any other tricks you use for a baby to sleep through the night?

Love Me x

Keeping up with trends

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Heyyyyy guys hope you are all well. Now i want to talk about trends and i for one love keeping up with what’s happening and what’s trending. It’s one of those things that you don’t want to miss out on because everyone has got that certain item and you want to be in that crowd that have it.

Now as most people who follow me on my socials know (follow me on my socials if your not yours not ;-)) i am a mummy of 4! Which includes two 10 months old twins and as much as i would like to always buy the latest trends i can’t afford to as my money is more aimed at different things like school trips, groceries, uniforms, car payments, nappies etc.

I have come to realise that we as trend lovers put ourselves under so much pressure to have the latest things to the point where some people go into debt just to have that designer dress or bag. I always do this thing where i go online shopping and fill my basket knowing i don’t have the money to begin with lol only to look at the total price and just basically coming off the page feeling down as i can’t get what i want but i get over it quite quickly though some people can’t help it and they end up using money they don’t have.

I have always tried to find more affordable ways to get what i need, for example i tend to always shop in Primark as they are more affordable, i also try to get some stuff second hand. Recently i came across a website called Shein and apparently am late on this as alot of people know about it. Its a women’s clothes website in Asia but i think they also have a warehouse in UK and when i tell you they are affordable? They are sooooo affordable. You can get a jumper for £2! Or a dress for £4! I did not believe it at first but when my order came and they fit well? i was one happy woman.

The point is we really need to stop putting so much pressure on ourselves on keeping up appearances and buying things we can’t afford. There so many ways to keep up with the trends without breaking the bank and the majority of the times the new season trends are stuff we already have as they just keep repeating them over the years.

So how do you keep up with the trends?

Love Me x

Winter jumper

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Heyyyyy guys so winter has all the sudden arrived and i was not ready at all as we have been enjoying the last days of autumn/summer season. I have yet to buy a jacket or boots for winter but for now jumpers and thickish jackets are working.

I recently got this jumper second hand and i thought it would be all stretched out and washed out but i was well wrong. I wear it with a vest top inside as i never wear knitted jumpers without a top inside but it keeps me warm, it has the right stretch in it and the pattern is nice.

The jumper is also long at the back which is ideal if your wearing leggings as some of them can be see through so this covers up your behind while still looking cute.

It’s also kinda loose which i like about jumpers, i don’t like tight, hugging one as i like one which can add body to me. I feel if your comfortable in what your wearing your day can be made a little better knowing you feel good on the outside.

Love Me x

Autumn style look

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Heyyyyy guys so if you read my last post about changing my blog direction ( go check it out if you haven’t)you will know that i am going to start posting my daily outfits on here, they will still be on my Instagram but more in-depth on here.

Recently i seem to be attracted to grey colours which i have never really been into, i have always been more into colourful outfits but i am actually loving the colour grey!. This colour just seems to go with everything and you can not go wrong with a grey outfit.

My top is from Shein outlet and it’s a simple cropped grey shirt with black strips on the arms. I like this top as it’s quite simple and the cropped bit is just enough so my whole mid-section is not on dispay (mummy problems) lol.

My jeans i actually love! They are from Shein as well, they are not my normal kinda of jean to wear as am a petite woman so i tend to stay away from baggy clothes as they can make you look even shorter but this pair i like alot and am going to look to get some more.

They are not the heavy kind of jean but they are not too light either, they are like mummy jeans as they cover your belly button which am all for as they help hide my mum tum. The only issues i had were, they were a little tight around my hip area and the waist was big at the back but i used a belt and it was fine., but apart from that, they are a good pair of jeans.

I paired the outfit with my grey trainers which i wear almost everyday coz they are comfortable and easy to get on when rushing for school runs.

For my jacket i wore my partner’s one as i wanted something baggy on top and not too fitting and it also had some grey in it so i have nicked it from him lol.

I hope you like this outfit, let me know what you liked about it and whats your favourite colour and why?

Love Me x